Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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