I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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