I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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