Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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