just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
