My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
