In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
