He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
