Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
