A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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