my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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