You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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