so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
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