so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
