Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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