A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
