i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
