I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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