im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
