Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
