i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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