you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
