Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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