why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
