I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
