We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
