I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
