you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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