He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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