Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
