I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
