in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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