You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
