And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
