Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
