nut hugger
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
where are my eyebrows?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
