i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
