the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
