I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
