Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
