His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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