he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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