His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
