I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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