Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
