It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
