2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
