I want to walk on stilts...naked
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
