New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
