just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
