actually, I'm a sock model
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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