Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
