Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
