Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
