I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
