hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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