i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
