remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
